I admit it, I get me some Reality TV every now and then. I like Top Chef because it is about two of my favorite things: gourmet food and San Francisco. Each episode features a guest judge who is usually a top chef at a San Francisco restaurant. Last week’s guest judge was introduced with a caption below them saying “Caterer.” I expected her credentials to be described as “top caterer”, “world-class caterer”, “internationally-known caterer”, or “Ritz-Carlton caterer” but instead it was “Caterer to the Stars.” Wow.
Suddenly I was filled with self-doubt, realizing what the true measure of success really was. What had I done with my career? Why wasn’t I anything to the stars? I realize now that I have to recalibarate my goals and get back on track to success. I need to be Innovator to the Stars or Patent Strategist to the Stars, something to make my career meaningful.
So, if you’re reading this, Britney Spears, I want to massage all of those great inventions out of your beautiful head and into the USPTO to protect your right to sell. Then I’ll work with you to productize—call me.
Tom Hanks, I want to create a patent portfolio for you that rivals your film portfolio. Excluding Joe Versus the Volcano, of course. Your claims will have your competitors crying in frustration while laughing through tears of joy, all without that annoying Meg Ryan. Leave your contact info in a comment on this post—let’s do lunch.
You’ll know that I’ve finally achieved career success when you see me on Entertainment Tonight and Best Week Ever. Maybe it’s not too late for me to get an internship with Ryan Seacrest…